the life of: a. huff

These Deaths Are Killin' Me!

2009-08-06T17:44:00.004-05:00

John Hughes died today.

Hughes was the director of pretty much every single popular teen movie that came out in the 80s. With his death, it makes like the 491st famous person death of the summer. No disrespect to anyone who has passed away this summer...

...but will famous people STOP dying, please?!

Listen, if you are famous, or a celebrity in anyway (not including YouTube stars), will you hold off on croaking for a while. Give us time to mourn and appreciate the most recent death.

Gah, I can't take this anymore!

Thanks for reading...

A Big Rod Conversation

2009-07-12T14:00:00.004-05:00

I had this conversation with Big Rod (my dad) today through a text message, while I was working a shift at Dippin' Dots. (Yes, I work at Dippin' Dots. I'll give you this moment to laugh to yourself.)

Austin (Me):
1:08 PM Sun. July 12
"Didnt go pee before i came. Starting to regret that decision."

Big Rod:
1:10 PM Sun. July 12
"Pee in a smoothy cup - better make it an extra large"

This conversation concluded with me laughing out loud only to get stares from people walking by in the mall. Wow... Thanks Big Rod.

Thanks for reading...

Another Day At Dippin' Dots...

2009-06-22T17:26:00.007-05:00

Here I am working at Dippin' Dots.

I wanted to share with you the most recent interaction I had with a customer.

There were two fourteen year old Miley Cyrus wannabes wearing no two articles of matching clothing and sunglasses indoors. The one girl asks for a small Rainbow Ice which is $3.50. She turns to her friend who had just hung up the phone to see if she wanted any Dippin' Dots.

"No. I'm not eating for the rest of my life."

Not a bad idea for her, but then she continued:

"I can't believe I didn't break up with him first!"

I know right?! Her friend pays. They hang around the front of the kiosk for a little bit.

"Gimme a bite! I wanna try it."

What happened to not eating for the rest of your life? Nevermind.

"Oooo, that's good! I'll take a Mint Chocolate!"

Ok, so now she is ordering her own?

"Can I get a discount? My boyfriend just broke up with me. I need a break up discount."

You have got to be kidding me.

I reply: "Oh sure. Our break up discount is $3.50 for a small."

She paid.

They left. (Not soon enough.)

Then they more than likely hit up their usual store visits. You know, Spencers, Hot Topic, Journeys, The Apple Store, Sbarro, and Abercrombie and Fitch just to lust over the male models' wall size pictures.

I love working here at Dippin' Dots, but when I get awkward customers like that, I would rather work at Yankee Candle Co. or even the Donut Hut.

Thanks for reading...

Love for the Handicapped

2009-05-18T12:17:00.002-05:00

And this is why I hate parking lots. Thank you Mr. Goodbar, Mr. Chi City!

Thanks for reading...

Finally Someone Speaks Out!

2009-05-16T09:01:00.000-05:00

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but:

SNUGGIES = Backwards Robe

Finally, someone made a Snuggie infomercial parody. This video gets more and more funny the closer you get to the end. Very funny.

"Sarah's not getting a date to the prom... Look at her!"

Thanks for reading...

The Infamous Keyboard Cat

2009-05-15T16:59:00.005-05:00

I felt the need to share these with everyone because I think they are absolutely hilarious! Basically these are videos in which something stupid happens. And my motto in life has always been, whenever something stupid happens, it always seems necessary to be played off by a keyboard playing cat.

Thanks to YouTube, my life motto is now becoming a reality.

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #1
I have always been a huge fan of people falling down stairs humor. A not-so-distant relative of people falling down stairs is handicaps falling down escalators... Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #2
Everyone loves soccer. And by everyone, I mean no one. But everyone loves guys dancing in speedos! Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #3
There is a time and a place for everything. This was not the time or place for this. (Of course, knowing my luck, this will probably be me someday.) But what the heck, play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #4
When Bill O'Reilly wants to do it live. You do it freakin' LIVE! Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #5
There is only one thing in this world that I would rather watch then a man who can play Sweet Child O' Mine with fart noises from his hand, and that is a cat who can play the keyboard! Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Thanks for reading...

Old School Commercials

2009-05-03T23:40:00.002-05:00

Screw college. I want to be young again. Which means these commercials must come back on the air:

That's all I could throw on here before Memorial Union closed... I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me.

Thanks for reading...

Apologies

2009-04-14T00:23:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while... I have been super busy on my newest project, Korked Bats.

Check it out and tell me what you think.

However, I still haven't forgotten about this blog.

Things to come in the near future:

My 2nd Annual Friends Mock Draft
The 2nd Annual Huff Awards
and the "What Actor Will Play My Friends In A Movie About My Life" Post.

So stay tuned, and be patient.

Until then, check out Korked Bats!

Thanks for reading...

It's Frank's Birthday

2009-02-26T22:11:00.011-06:00

So today was my bestest friend, Frank Ford's birthday. He turned 22 today. I was so excited for the big day that I just couldn't contain myself. So I wrote on his Facebook wall about 50 times.

Here is a look at all of my random thought out wall posts.

Mine and Frank's Wall to Wall on Facebook

Austin Huff wrote
at 7:34am

my text message said it all... but in case you are in a dead zone, happy birthday, racially inappropriate word! you're my main man! i think Cher said it best when she said: "Do you believe in life after love?"

Austin Huff wrote
at 7:34am

oh and did you know i'm on myspace? happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 7:46am

tomorrow is Nick Forte's birthday. but today is yours. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 1:28pm

i think Babyface said it best when he said: "til you do me right, I don't even want to talk to you, I don't even want to hear you speak my name, til you do me right"... happy birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 1:33pm

man it's your birthday... you know what Earth Wind and Fire once said? They said: "Magic mirror come and search my heart. Can you tell me what you see?"

Did you know that they said that?

Austin Huff wrote
at 1:35pm

Steve wilkos once said: "Get the hell off my stage!" happy birthday man!

Austin Huff wrote
at 1:38pm

happy birthday man. for your birthday i Netflixed Kurt Russell's 'Escape from New York' to your address. so be expecting it in the mail. if that doesn't scream friendship, i dunno what will?! have a good birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 1:39pm

it's your birthday... you should wear pants!

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:27pm

for your birthday, i'm going to paint my chest. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:28pm

if you get a stripper dressed as a giant grapefruit at your door tonight for your birthday, it wasn't me who ordered it...

...ok, it was me. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:30pm

i think Flipper the dolphin said it best when he said: NOTHING! Dolphins don't talk! are you serious right now?! gah... good thing it's your birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:32pm

here is a birthday joke for you: why did Tiger Woods wear two pair of pants? give up? in case he got a hole in one...

...i still don't understand why you would wear two pairs of pants? you would get really hot. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:32pm

if i ever moved to Jamaica, i would, no joke, legally change my name to Charles! happy birthday man!

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:33pm

bean dip, bean dip, soy sauce, soy sauce! happy birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:36pm

Bob Carlisle said it best when he said: "and butterfly kisses at night!" happy birthday dude!

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:57pm

Bob Costas doesn't think Barry Bonds hit as many home runs he did without taking steroids. happy birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:57pm

Venable is probably editing right now. happy birthday man!

Austin Huff wrote
at 2:58pm

is your favorite color rainbow? it should be. because it's your birthday!!

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:02pm

if you were ever romantically involved with a stuffed koala bear, and i were to walk in on you two, i probably wouldn't apologize and leave like most people would. i would stand there and laugh for a bit. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:02pm

cupcakes anyone? it's franks birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:11pm

Pete Sampras' name used to be Turner Gilroid.

I totally made that up... happy birthday man!

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:15pm

quick! favorite pop singer of all time...

did you say Chubby Checkers like I did? happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:21pm

remember our QB challenge at the Courtyard by Marriott in Indianapolis? you chose to be Tim Couch I believe, and I chose to be Michael Vick. I won the QB challenge... but you won in the long run, because you never got involved with dog fighting. have a happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:21pm

we're getting schwasted tonight! it's frank's effing birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:22pm

robot talk: 011100001001111001000010! happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:23pm

Norm Chow called. he said happy birthday frank.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:31pm

i'm at Memorial Union here on the campus of Mizzou and i'm sitting next to an Asian guy. we got to talking. he's a really nice guy. he says he know you. i don't think he does. i just think that he doesn't know english very well. he keeps smiling and nodding his head at everything i say. he told me to tell you: "tell duhhh frank that i says happy berfday." so happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:31pm

none of that last post is true. except for the happy birthday part.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:33pm

i once got a Build-A-Bear Workshop gift card for Easter one time... i was pissed. i know that has nothing to do with anything, but it's your birthday and you get presents. so it kinda does. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:34pm

Queen Latifah said it best when she said: "My movies really aren't funny. Why do people keep going to them?"

happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:36pm

remember the board game in the TV show Ren and Stimpy called: Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence? Well, when Whitney and I were young, we weren't allowed to say whiz. So we would always say don't pee on the electric fence. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:38pm

would you rather be Kobe Bryant? or Kobayashi? a simpilar question would be: do you like basketball or hot dogs better? happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:39pm

this is a chain letter. send it to 16 people and your crush will kiss you TONIGHT! if you don't then you will die a bad death! happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:39pm

sorry, i don't like chain letters either, but i really want my crush to kiss me tonight! happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:47pm

after the mighty ducks won the goodwill games in D2, they celebrated by singing Queen songs around a campfire. what a buncha fags. i woulda celebrated a lot better than that! happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:48pm

who am i kidding? if i won the goodwill games, i would listen to Weird Al songs on my iPod on repeat while playing frogger online and eating triscuts. i hope you celebrate your birthday better than i celebrate winning the goodwill games.

Austin Huff wrote
at 3:51pm

is Charles still in Charge? if so, i say SCREW SCOTT BAIO! Frank is in charge! it's his effing birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 4:18pm

you know the Bible story of the brothers Cain & Abel? you know, how Cain (spoiler warning) killed his brother, Abel. well, i think it would be clever if right after killing him, he said: "looks like he isn't ABLE anymore..." it's a play on words. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 4:19pm

Michelle Kwon. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 4:26pm

what if, on Sesame Street, instead of Bert and Ernie, the characters were named Fart and Carney. and they would be puppets of a really awful stench and a guy with missing teeth who operates the Tilt O' Whirl.

no... Jim Henson did a good job with picking his characters. it's your birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 5:00pm

when running away, don't slip on a banana peel or the gays will eat you. have a good birthday though.

Austin Huff wrote
at 5:13pm

there are now more Asians sitting next to me at Memorial Union... and i kid you not with no intentions of being racist or stereotypical, but they smell like Asian cuisine. if i woke up to this smell, i would be losing my mind as to why i'm not at Panda Gardens right now. i might have to move seats. much love, and happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 5:14pm

they are looking at wikipedia in chinese. or japanese. or taiwainese. whatever the crap it is, i can't read it. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 5:14pm

Tel Burkett. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 5:37pm

how ironic would it be if John Olerud didn't wear a helmet while he drove a motorcycle? welp, happy birthday!

Austin Huff wrote
at 5:44pm

ok, last comment about the Asians that i'm sitting next to, but i took my headphones out and am eavesdropping. they make the funniest noises and giggle just like in Animae cartoons. there are five of them, three guys and two girls. this is freaking hilarious! have a happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 5:56pm

i once applied for a job at Carlton Cards in the mall. i never got it. but i hope you do! happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 6:03pm

the funniest text you have ever sent me, and i quote (regarding Ken Caminiti): "more importantly in instilled a sense of diplomacy and vigor into the mlb... the likes of which we may never see again my friend"

gah, that was hilarious. have a good birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 6:03pm

i think you t-9ed that text and meant to say he instead of in. happy birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 12:36am tomorrow

it is no longer your birthday. i might go slam my face into an expensive car's windshield. or i will continue to study for my test and go to bed...

yeah, i will prolly do the second one. but i am bummed that it is no longer your birthday. happy belated birthday.

Austin Huff wrote
at 12:40am tomorrow

ok... sorry, but i could help but notice lil' Tramontana's wall post below. but what the heck is LOLOLOLOLOL? either it's an inside joke or laugh out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud? double-you, tee, eff, tre-mon? double-you, tee, eff?

happy belated birthday frank.

That's it, all of the wall posts that I sent Frank on his 22nd birthday. I hope he had a great birthday because he's a good friend.

Now I would like to share some pictures of Frankie with random things in his mouth. Keep in mind that there are tons more pictures of him with random things in his mouth, but I only decided to show the best ones and my favorites.

Frank With Random Things In His Mouth

A mini Stanley Cup

An 8 Ball

A small wooden plank

A miniture Nashville Sounds baseball bat

An Eifel Tower Clock

Sara Beth's Shoe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANK!

Thanks for reading...

My Life as a Movie

2009-02-22T23:54:00.005-06:00

If my life was a MOVIE, here would be the deets...

Director:
Christopher Nolan

Lead Actor (me):
If it's a comedy, Ben Stiller.
If it's a romantic flick, Brad "The Man" Pitt.
Or I wouldn't mind playing myself.

Leading Lady (my love interest):
Jennifer Love Hewitt
or
Keira Knightly (if she would die her hair dark)

Narrator:
Vin Scully

Soundtrack:
Band of Horses
Dave Matthews
Imogen Heap

Main Song:
The Funeral - Band of Horses
or
No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horse (if it's a romantic comedy)

Location:
Shot on location at THE University of Missouri (and Brentwood, oh what's up, home town!)

Editing By:
Jeff Venable. Of course.

Check back later and I will give the cast of my life and which famous people will play which of my friends. If you have any suggestions as to who should play you, leave a comment saying who.

Thanks for reading...

Anything > kansas

2009-02-10T20:46:00.005-06:00

Last night was so great for all Mizzou fans. Mizzou beat kansas, 62-60. It reminded me a lot of our upset win over them my freshman year.

Let's relive them both, shall we?

(I'm so glad I brought my camera to BOTH games!)

2006:

And then last night...

(Thanks Glen McMurry for bringing my camera to the game for me. You're the man!)

2009:

M-I-Z...

...Beat-k-U!

Thanks for reading...

This One Is For Frank

2009-02-09T09:38:00.002-06:00

This Commercial was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen with Frank. We quoted this continuously in middle school. Hilarious!

Enjoy...

Thanks for reading...

A Weight Lifting Funny

2009-01-09T22:16:00.008-06:00

So I was working out at the Williamson Rec Center this evening.

You know, workin' on that Spring Break body.

It was about an hour till close, so it was just me and a couple other people.

One dude looked really gay.

Now, I'm not one to judge. But his mannerisms and the noises he was making while lifting were not masculine at ALL!

Not to mention his attire consisting of a Nike Dri-Fit beater and some Russell Athletic jogging pants.

Anywho... the highlight of my night came while I was feeling the deep burn in my tri's as I did some pull downs. "Oh what's up?" I know...

On my third set I came down too hard on my headphone cord and ripped my headphones not only out of my ears but out of my iPod.

I quickly looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

No one did.

Phew... that was close. I continued on with my lift.

However, now instead of listening to Darth Vader's Imperial Death March or Jump Around by House of Pain on my iPod, all I was lifting to was the sweet sounds of ole gay dude grunting/counting/breathing heavily/making high pitched noises.

Awesome, I know.

Anyway, no more than two reps later, I became glad that my headphones had fallen out.

While ole gay dude was doin' his thing, lifting as much as possible on some supported curls...

...he let out a little squeaker of a fart.

I heard it. He knew I heard it. I mean it was kind of hard not to considering we were two of the last people in the weight room.

My biggest workout of the night was holding back my laugh while finishing my lift.

Very very funny.

So thank you, body building Elton John for you're little stinker. It gave me a good laugh for the evening.

Thanks for reading...

On The Fifth Day of Christmas...

2008-12-17T10:45:00.003-06:00

Ok. This is getting a little ridiculous. Today I received five golden rings.

I don't even like the Cowboys.

Thanks for reading...

On The First Day Of Christmas...

2008-12-14T17:47:00.005-06:00

So, yesterday I got a partridge in a pear tree.

Thanks for reading...

I've Been Saying It All Year...

2008-12-09T14:59:00.010-06:00

2008 Rose Bowl Game
#8 Penn State Nittany Lions vs. #5 Southern Cal Trojans

"I think, frankly, that Penn State is underrated and paying for the scent of the Buckeyes in the National Championship the past two years."

-Ivan Maisel, ESPN College Football Senior Writer

Thanks to THE Ohio State University for giving the Big Ten, and all the teams in it, such a bad wrap the past two seasons. Can't wait to see the Buckeyes choke yet again in the national spotlight against Texas.

How did they even get invited to a BCS game?

Thanks for reading...

Random Thoughts Vol. 2

2008-12-04T14:14:00.009-06:00

I saw more than one person wearing a Santa hat on campus the past few days... Why?
Sports Talk Radio hosts should be in favor of the BCS in college football. It gives them a minimum of 4 days worth of stuff to talk about and argue about.
The year 2013 will be the first year since 1987 in which there weren't two of the same number in the year. (Example: 1992 - There are two 9's, 2005 - There are two 0's)
Kanye's new CD didn't WOW me at first... But it's really growing on me.
It's getting cold.
I now own eleven Dodgers hats. I hope to get one or two more for Christmas.
*NSYNC should get back together and write children's songs. Their first hit single could be 'Dirty Pop goes the Weasel'.
I'm starting to think I am bad luck at football games. Since Thanksgiving Break started on November 21st, my high school lost in the Quarterfinals of the playoffs, the Titans lost their only game of the season, Mizzou lost to kansas, my flag football team has gone 1-2, Mizzou lost to Oklahoma. The only football games I attended where the team I was cheering for won, was Katie's Pi Beta Phi flag football games. Way to hold it down girls!
Do people still use phone books?
If there is one guy I miss a lot, it's Patrick Elmore.
What do people working in Toll Booths do when they have to pee?
What do people working in Toll Booths do when they have to poop?
What do people working in Toll Booths do when they have to leave for the day?
Speaking of Toll Booths, has anyone seen Coyote Ugly in a while? I loved that movie in middle school!
Katie is great!
A lot of people think of Chumbawamba as a one hit wonder. But they had two hits. Everyone just happens to forget about their song, "Amnesia" that made it pretty big.
I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Christmas holiday. And by everyone, I mean the two people who read this blog.

Thanks for reading...

I'm Going 'West' Sooner Rather Than Later

2008-11-12T12:07:00.012-06:00

This will be the look on my face for the next two weeks.

I found out last night that Kanye West's new album, "808's and Heartbreak", is going to be released three weeks sooner than expected. I am so very excited! I will be purchasing my copy of the album at midnight on November 23rd as it is set to be released November 24th!

Mr. West is in the building, children, LADIES!

I can't wait!

It really does work! Watch:

I already called the number and ordered a year's supply.

Thanks for reading...

My Dream

2008-11-09T23:05:00.004-06:00

The other day I had a dream in which I was picking my nose.

When I pulled the "boogie" out it turned out it was a giant fly. (Covered in mucus of course)

I was so weirded out by it.

Then I started coughing.

I felt something in the back of my throat.

I couldn't cough it out.

Worst feeling...

I tried and tired.

Then all of a sudden, two flies came flying out of my mouth.

What the crap did I eat to get flies in my nose and mouth?!

It was scary and weird.

Then I woke up.

Thanks for reading...

Dang it.

2008-11-05T11:25:00.006-06:00

Well, you win some and lose some.

At least Missouri and Tennessee held it down.

I'm scared for our country.

But only for this reason:

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THE LAST TIME OUR COUNTRY HAD A BLACK PRESIDENT?

CLICK HERE to refresh your memory.

Great... You hear that? Now we put the whole planet in jeopardy!

Good luck to everyone and God speed.

Thanks for reading...

VOTE

2008-11-03T18:08:00.002-06:00

Vote Nobama Tomorrow!

it's my birthday.

2008-10-21T00:09:00.002-05:00

i'm 22.

Dear Zach...

2008-10-14T16:39:00.008-05:00

COME TO AUSTIN WITH AUSTIN THIS WEEKEND!

(please?)

3 Years Ago Today...

2008-10-12T22:37:00.005-05:00

I’m missing you.

I never thought it could happen.

He seemed invincible.

1000 times he would check in.

999 times he checked out.

How could this happen?

He always makes it through...

Always...

I got a voicemail Wednesday night.

I checked it.

She said I was leaving.

My flight was to leave in the morning.

I knew it was bad.

But I guess a visit would be good for him.

And me.

I called her.

She told me the details for my flight.

After a while,

it fell silent.

My mom paused.

“He passed away."

My heart stopped.

There's no way.

She said it so fast and unexpectantly.

Tears instantly glazed my eyes.

I didn't believe it.

I couldn't believe it.

It didn't hit me till I walked in.

When I walked in and saw him motionless.

It was nothing new... I've seen him like that before.

...When he was sleeping.

Only this wasn’t a sleep.

I had to tell myself that he wasn't waking up.

He looked different.

It wasn't him.

It couldn't have been him.

He doesn’t look like that.

I couldn't get any closer than the back of the room.

It was too hard.

She urged me to go closer, but I resisted.

I couldn’t see clearly.

Tears.

They were rolling down my cheek.

One by one.

I repetitively went to wipe them away.

They said it was ok to cry,

But I didn't want to cry.

I didn't want to do anything but see him one more time.

Hug him one more time.

Slap his hand one more time.

Laugh at his jokes one more time.

Just be with him.

One more time.

I was just waiting for him to wake up.

For them to tell me this was some cruel sick joke.

A cruel, sick, joke.

Some really twisted joke.

But no one was laughing.

No one was even smiling.

Everyone was wearing their emotions on their sleeves.

Their hurt,

Their loss.

After our time with him, we prayed together.

I kind of wanted to hate on God.

It just seems that when someone passes away,

People seem to do that.

They question Him.

“Why Me?"

“Why do these things happen?"

“A true god wouldn’t let bad things happen to good people."

But I couldn’t do that.

Even though I wanted to.

I was given peace… somehow.

Somehow.

A surreal peace.

We came back that night.

The visitation.

Started with one.

One turned to two.

Two to three.

Three to a never-ending line.

So many people.

So many faces.

So many “Our condolences" and “Sorry about your grandfather"

Shaking hands became old.

Smiling became hard.

Trying to stay happy in such a hard time.

The visitors started to become distractions.

Keeping our mind elsewhere.

He became like just another decoration in the room.

Blending in with the dozens of flowers.

I kept glancing over at him,

Not wanting to believe it.

I kept thinking it’s just another Pennsylvania trip,

Only he’s not here on this one.

He’ll be here for my next trip up.

But that’s a lie I keep telling myself.

He’ll never see me:

…run through the tunnel.

…turn nineteen.

…graduate college.

…get married.

…cry over him.

It was dark and rainy.

The sun rose.

I sat in the front row.

I had to.

I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I wanted to be up front for him.

I was right across from the pictures.

I just kept looking at his pictures the whole time.

All the memories.

I searched and searched,

But could not find,

A single picture with him not smiling and enjoying his life.

This was a celebration

A celebration of his life

But it was hard.

It was hard for me.

It was harder for my father and his brothers.

It was hardest for my father’s mother.

Tears were shed.

After the service we got to say goodbye.

One final farewell.

I kissed his cold forehead,

Told him that I love him,

And turned to see MY father.

I had to hug him.

He lost his father.

I had to be there for him.

Because the Lord knows that I’m gonna take it just as hard

When Jesus takes him away someday

I love my father,

Just as I love my mother.

All of a sudden the family trio had lost a member

Son, Father, and Grandfather

Is now

Son and Father.

It will never be the same,

But I think it can make us closer

Closer than we are which is hard to imagine

But my father needs me

And I need him

I love my grandfather

I know I will see him in heaven someday

But I won’t remember him

Because that’s not what heaven is

Heaven is just upright worshiping God for the rest of ETERNITY

ETERNITY = forever, without end

Praising Him.

It’s hard for the human mind to comprehend.

But I know he’s singing the loudest.

Leading the “angel’s choir".

I love you Pap.

Earl K. Huff

August 28th, 1923 – October 12th, 2005

'Juno' What I'm Talking About?

2008-10-08T14:12:00.002-05:00

So there is this Asian girl on campus that I ALWAYS see who looks just like Su-Chin (Valerie Tian) from the movie 'Juno'.

You know, the girl who stands outside the abortion clinic with the picket sign trying to make Juno feel bad for considering an abortion.

The ironic thing is that this Asian girl is preggers.

I thought that was funny.

Welp...

Thanks for reading...

This One Is For Torti

2008-10-05T23:58:00.004-05:00

This video sums up my relationship with Tyler Torti.

And it is perfect for us because we both LOVE Back to the Future.

He is Doc (because he's older) and I am Marty (because I can never stand still... too soon?).

P.S. I'm sorry my baseball team beat yours. I love.

Brentwood.

2008-10-03T12:59:00.006-05:00

THIS WAS A POST I WROTE ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO ON FACEBOOK. I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY IT.

Living in Missouri is amazing and I could not ask for more, but every now and then I stop to think about the things that were great back home. I decided to finally list a few of them. Enjoy...

I miss:

...the getting in touble for paper, rock, scissors in science class.
...the football practices.
...the Friday nights under the lights.

...the rugby games.

...the summer baseball.
...the baseball tournaments.

...the girl's soccer games on chilly fall nights.
...the pulling down pants as cars passed outside resturaunts.
...the g-dub laugh.

...the knapper laugh.
...the venable-whispered, "austin."
...Slack's huge vocabulary.
...the meeting up with girls at baseball tournaments. (well, not the photographer's neices)
...the many many a night staying in parking lots... just talking.
...the hugs, high fives, the "A-Huff's!!" being called out from afar.
...the nights of rolling... ...and off-roading... ...and holding the brushgaurd up off the road on the way home.
...the rolling of friends' cars while they're at a church retreat.

...the guilt trips.
...the friends who pick you up from the airport.... and who get you a fish as a welcome home gift.

...the cookouts, the campouts, the hangouts.
...the really late nights at Waffle House.

...the 'Laying in the Street Gang' with friends making up rules about anything and everything.

...the Proms.
...the creative ways to ask girls to Prom.

...the groundings.
...the getting out of groundings.
...the hours spent after school in the Senior Lot.
...the 50's style diners on school nights.

...the mall jobs.
...the YFL.

...the really big churches.
...Dr. G.
...making up songs in the Wendy's parking lot.
...the curfews.
...the being late for curfews.
...the being late for curfews because of friend's magic card tricks.

...the lessons about girls with good morals.

...the videos started.
...the videos completed.
...the videos that are still unfinished.
...THE INAPPROPRIATE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHERS!
...the church nights.
...the cable jokes.

...the short jokes.
...the late jokes.
...the black guys... both of them.
...the billions of laughs shared.

...the Dancing in the District nights.
...the lip sync.
...the cancelled lip sync.
...the water basketball games.
...the girls.

...the girlfriends.
...the ex-girlfriends.
...the hopeful girlfriends.
...the walking in on friend's girlfr... well, nevermind.

...the hook ups.
...the break ups.
...just the plain ole, UUUUPPPPPPPP's!
...the last minute sleep overs at A.J.'s.
...O'Charley's.
...the nights spent at Overlook Park.
...listening to Radiohead being played by friend's guitar.

...the hang-outs: anne's, brooke's, starbucks, sonic, t.a.'s, bumc's cafe, amanda's.
...the parties.

...the leaving of parties.
...the witnessing of friends falling after many years of promising that the party scene just wasn't for them.
...seeing more friends fall.
...and even more.
...the finding out who your truest friends are, right before you leave.
...the ones who stayed true to thier word.
...the ones who always have your back if you were to get in trouble.
...the ones who loan you ample amounts of money for undisclosed reasons.

...the ones who always help you with girl advice.

...the ones who always help you with school advice.
...the ones who didn't give much advice of anything, but were just goofy.

...the ones who always help you with God's wisdom.

...but most importantly, the ones who are there for you. Who pick you up when you start to fall. The ones who confront you with things that they start to notice. The ones who act as God on earth for you, watching out for you.

Good ole Brentwood.

Stalling...

2008-09-05T09:47:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a long while.

I'm well aware of that.

But I got something pretty interesting in the making.

When I find time to write, it will be posted.

I promise.

I'm not lying.

Thanks for reading...

HERE WE GO!

2008-08-03T14:18:00.008-05:00

So I'm starting a new project...

(Yup, just another thing to keep me busy.)

But this is a project I think will help me with my post college career. So I guess that's my excuse for starting it.

But here it is:

My good friend Zach Osborne and I are starting a sports blog. And in our attempt to write consistently about sports, we are going to try and make it funny. We want to bring sports to our friends and readers (who is probably only our parents and a couple of friends) in a funny fashion that will be entertaining.

I just randomly brought the idea up to Zach and he fell in love with it. Which is exactly why I thought about him first for doing it.

In this blog we will talk about current news stories in the world of sports and give our comedic viewpoints on each as well as come up with ridiculous topics that have to do with sports.

Example:

One of my first big posts later in August will be comparing two of the greatest baseball movies that people of our generation grew up with. (and no I'm not talking about Sandlot, which I will agree, is probably one of the greatest baseball movies) I will be comparing each movie and will be surveying which movie is more realistic of the two. Keep reading to find out which two movies they are.

Also we want it to be very reader involved, so give us feedback, ideas, opinions, gossip, phone numbers (if you are a cute girl), and it would be greatly appreciated.

So if you love sports, or even if you don't but you love to laugh, then check out our new blog:

CORKED BATS:
The Funnier Side of Sports From A to Z

By: Austin and Zach

Thanks for reading...

2007-2008 Huff Award Winners

2008-08-01T22:00:00.001-05:00

The 1st Annual

*Huff Awards*

Categories:

Movie of the Year

Cloverfield

Song of the Year

Superstar - Lupe Fiasco (feat. Matthew Santos)

Album of the Year

Graduation - KanYe West

Party of the Year

1503's Christmas Morning Party

Road Trip of the Year

Border War - Kansas City, Missouri

Rookie of the Year - new person I met this year

(TIE)
Spencer Cope

Joel Schirmer

Ms. Rookie of the Year - new LADY I met this year

Jessi Wood

Best Professor of the Year

Court Montgomery

Worst Professor of the Year

(TIE)
Karon Speckman

Willow Mullins

Funniest Moment

Spring Break - Watching X-Effect With Joel Schirmer

Saddest Moment

Mizzou Losing the Big XII Championship

Best 'House to Shack At' of the Year

1503 Rosemary Street

Best Sporting Event Attended

Mizzou vs. ------ (The Border War) - Football

Best Sporting Event Watched

The Cotton Bowl - Mizzou vs. Arkansas

Best Sporting Event Played

The Legends vs. (I Don't Know) - Rec Softball Championship

Best Pet

Bella

And of course I can't forget my friends from home:

Mr. Brentwood of the Year

(TIE)

Frankie Ford

Davis Naish

Mrs. Brentwood of the Year

Brittany Racht

Superlatives:

BEST DRESSED

GUYS - Brandon Butcher

GIRLS - Kelley Schwartz

BEST LAUGH

GUYS - Patrick Elmore

GIRLS - Amy Oberle

BEST COUPLE

Amy Oberle and Ben Schirmer

NICEST

Guys - Jarred Donalson

Girls - Hannah Hardage

FUNNIEST

Guys - Zach Osborne

Girls - Leann McLaughlin

MOST AWKWARD

Guys - Frankie Ford

Girls - Emily Camp

PERSON I WISH I SAW MORE OF

Guys - Chase Smith

Girls - Lindsay Mccoy

This conclude the first annual Huff Awards. I want to thank all of the nominees for helping to provide such an awesome year! Thanks for being so great. If you didn't get nominated or did not win it's not personal. Let's just make this upcoming year MORE amazing!

Thanks for reading...

All Things Designated

2008-07-17T15:40:00.012-05:00

The other day I was at work for 104.5 The Zone, a sports talk radio station for Middle Tennessee.

We were doing a live remote from Dave and Busters at Opryland's Opry Mills. While working, nature called. So I proceeded to the bathroom and picked a urinal to take care of my business. At this specific urinal there was an ad at my eye level for Budweiser. Only this ad was promoting safety as opposed to beer.

The sign said:

"Always choose a designated skipper."

And then it went on to give some statistics...

But a skipper? Not a driver, a SKIPPER. I see ads for getting a sober driver all the time, but never have I seen a sober boat driver ad. I thought it was very interesting and really got me thinking.

I started wondering... what else in life would you want someone who is "designated" as opposed to drunk doing something?

So I began to create a list.

Things In Life That Should Always Be Designated:

Driver - Obviously. This one is a given. To heck if I'm getting in a car with someone behind the wheel who can't even say the ABC's backwards, walk a tight rope on one leg, and rub his/her tummy while patting their head!
Surgeon - I always want a designated surgeon doing my surgeries. If I wake up from my sleeping gas just to find a doctor giggling hysterically with a Natty Light in his hand, I'm gonna be pissed!
Mall Santa - 9 out of 10 Mall Santas are already pervs, would you want some drunk fatty feeling up your son while telling him he's been a real naughty boy? Didn't think so.
Dentist - This kinda goes along the same lines as the surgeon... However, the Dentist can make up for it by giving you one of those goody bags with sugar free candy, pack of dentist approved gum, a pencil with dinosaur eraser, a new tooth brush, floss, and a mini tube of toothpaste... Then he will be forgiven.
Lawyer - If you don't get a designated lawyer, then I only have four words for you. YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!
Pilot - If you don't get a designated pilot, then I have four words for you as well, YOUR PLANE'S GOING DOWN!
Barber - I would rather have Sweeney Todd cut my hair before I ever let a drunk barber get behind the trimmers. I would also let Britney Spears cut my hair. No wait... never-mind. She's drunk 98% of the time. She needs a designated liver.
911 Operator - Have you ever called a drunk person and asked them for help? Let's just hope you're only calling because your cat is stuck in a tree.
Pastor of your Wedding - The groom is supposed to be the one kissing the bride. Plus if I have to smell his alchy breath the whole ceremony... I mean, c'mon! That's what the reception is for!

Thanks for reading...

Another Mom Story...

2008-07-11T21:19:00.010-05:00

So there we were, my mom, dad, and I at home.

I was about to leave to go to my friend Wade's house to hang out. I had been hanging out with Wade a lot recently because he just left the country to go on his two year mission. Now that he has left we aren't able to speak to him or contact him except through e-mail. And he can only call his family on Christmas and Mother's Day. I am going to miss the kid so much he is a really great guy!

I got to talking with my dad about Wade's departure and how many things will be changed in two years. I kept thinking about all the things that have changed in the PAST two years.

Like this.

And this.

And how about this?

Ok, maybe some things haven't changed.

Back to the story...

So as you would guess, my dad and I started listing things that might change in the next two years.

I said:

"I will be graduated from college two years from now!
And who knows, I could possibly..."

My dad interrupts:

"You could be MARRIED!"

I responded:

"I know! It's quite possible!"

Then from out of know where we hear some giggling from across the room and without hesitation, my mom says:

"Hahahaha, YEAH RIGHT!"

Yup.

She just went ahead and said it.

How embarrassing for my own mother to shoot down any confidence that I once had roaming in the skies.

It was more embarrassing than getting pulled over by a motorcycle cop.

Thanks, mom.

She sure has a lot of confidence in me for my whole "girl" situation. (SARCASM)

Sigh.

Thanks for reading...

My Lil' Joke

2008-06-25T19:37:00.005-05:00

So the final game of the College World Series is going on right now. Fresno State is playing Georgia.

Wait a minute...

The Bulldogs vs. The Bulldogs?!?!

Where is the game being played, Michael Vick's house?!

"That's So" EMBARRASSING!

2008-06-20T22:04:00.008-05:00

Ok, I'll admit it.

I watched a whole episode of "That's So Raven" the other day on Disney Channel.

(Sigh.) I feel much better now, after getting that off my chest.

Funny Things At Work - Volume 1

2008-06-18T00:05:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, I got a job working as a server at Ruby Tuesday at the Cool Springs Mall.

When I used to work at American Eagle, I would always accumulate funny stories from work and then post them on my old Xanga blog. As I have worked at Ruby Tuesday for about two weeks now I have obtained some funny things that have been said or have happened.

I decided that these things should not go unshared.

1. On my first day, a mall employee came in to get his To Go Cup refilled. (Mall employees get free To Go drinks) He hands me the drink and I go to refill it. As I'm refilling it he says:

"Where do you work out?"
I respond: "Excuse me?"
"Where do you work out?"
I'm now thinking: "Who asks that sort of question?"
"Oh, I haven't worked out in while..."
Thinking: "And if I did I wouldn't want you creeping on me while I do, old man!"

2. At Ruby Tuesday we are taught that when you see someone who's drink is half empty (or half full for all you optimists), that we should go up and refill them automatically. If the table is in a conversation then just go up and do it without talking, but if they're not in conversation then you can go up and ask them if they need a refill or anything else.

So I walk up to this table of four women with water pitcher in hand. They are in conversation so I just fill without talking. As I am filling though, I couldn't help but overhear what this one woman said in the midst of the conversation of only God knows what:

"You know, it's really easy to embezzle money!"

Now I am just waiting to see that lady's mugshot on the news one night in the near future.

That's all the funny stories for now, but As they happen I will continue to write them down in my server pad and post them on here.

Thanks for reading...

Why I Don't Drink...

2008-06-16T21:57:00.011-05:00

As the school year winded down, I had a dream.

A crazy dream.

After waking up I realized that this dream was a sign.

A sign for the reason of why I, Austin S. Huff, do not drink alcohol.

This dream took place on a Wednesday. I had just woken up. I was in the bathroom doing my daily routine when I noticed some marks on the right side of my body that were a majority on my back. I turned my back toward the mirror to get a better look. When I did this I noticed it was a tattoo. I got worried fast. I was thinking, "When did I get a tattoo?"

The tattoo was of the Missouri Tiger head and it was diagonally over where my kidney is. I was freakin' out! I never have ever wanted a tattoo, and now I have a huge one taking up the whole bottom bottom part of my back. I was real upset. But fortunately I looked at the bright side and thought...

"Well, I will always be a Missouri Tiger fan for the rest of my life. So I guess it's not the WORST thing I could've gotten tattooed on my body."

Little did I know that it turned out that I in fact DID get the WORST thing tattooed onto my body... Keep reading.

I then continued on with my day trying to think of when and where I would've gotten a tattoo. I soon remembered back to the Monday of that week. I was with some friends and decided to have a couple of beers. That's right, Austin decided to take his first sip of alcohol. Well, that eventually turned into about three beers.

Now you are probably saying, "Huff, three beers isn't a lot at all. That consumed in a span of an hour puts you right at the legal limit." Well... no one told me this. Because somehow, I got real drunk off those three beers. I tried to justify it by thinking, "Oh, well, ummm, It was my first time!" I just assumed that I was a light weight on my first time. So on these three beers I got drunk enough to where I couldn't remember what I did on the rest of the day on Monday. And heck, I don't even remember what I did on that Tuesday. Because remember, this dream took place on Wednesday.

This is when the story gets worse.

I am walking around my house and my roommates say, "Austin... ummm... you might want to go check out your back!" I was thinking, "Yeah, I know the giant tattoo of Truman's face right there on my kidney... Thanks!" But it turned out that they were talking about something totally different.

They were talking about a tattoo that I couldn't even see. They brought me into the bathroom and held up a mirror so I could see this other tattoo. By this time, I'm thinking about how stupid I was. I went, in one night/one day, from having no tattoos, to two huge tattoos taking up my whole back.

You guys are thinking, "TELL US THE TATTOO ALREADY!" I'm hesitating because it's so stupid. Granted it's only a dream, but it is still real embarrassing. Because on my back, I got a tattoo bigger than a sheet of 8 1/2 x 11 inch paper. It went from shoulder to shoulder from the top of my collar bone to midway down my back. Big enough to where I could never, no matter how many surgeries, get this tattoo removed.

But this massive back tattoo was of the Starter logo.

Are you serious?! Who does that? Even if you are really drunk... Who goes into a tattoo parlor and says, "I want a tattoo of the Starter logo, right now!!!"

However, don't get me wrong. Starter has been a very good company. They kept me warm for many winters with their jackets. I owned a Penn State Starter jacket about four different times because I would keep losing them and buying new ones. They also kept me very styling and ahead of the fashion world with their amazing sports team hats! I still have my Indiana Pacers hat. We're talking about a company that went out of business only to find their way back into the world to distribute athletic wear to Wal-Mart. So I do owe a lot back to Starter for all they have done for me. I just never thought it would involve me being a walking billboard for them.

So in this dream, I got drunk.

When I got drunk, I got some tattoos.

After sobering up, in my dream, I realized what a horrid decision that was.

So the final conclusion or moral, if you will, is:

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO END UP WITH A STARTER LOGO TATTOOED ON MY BACK!

Thanks for reading...

The Huff Awards Preview and Nominations

2008-05-14T01:20:00.015-05:00

NOMINEES!

The 1st Annual

*Huff Awards*

Categories Include:

Movie of the Year

There Will Be Blood

Cloverfield

Requiem for a Dream

Song of the Year

Superstar - Lupe Fiasco (feat. Matthew Santos)

Love in the Club - Usher (feat. Young Jeezy)

No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses

Album of the Year

Graduation - KanYe West

A Twist In My Story - Secondhand Serenade

The Cool - Lupe Fiasco

Party of the Year

1613's High School Yearbook Party

Phillips' Barn Party

1503's Christmas Morning Party

Road Trip of the Year

Border War - Kansas City, Missouri

Norman, Oklahoma

Nashville/Auburn Roadtrip

Rookie of the Year - new person I met this year

Ross Taylor

Spencer Cope

Joel Schirmer

Ms. Rookie of the Year - new LADY I met this year

Leann McLuaghlin

Jessi Wood

Emily Lewis

Best Professor of the Year

Court Montgomery

Jeff Guinn

(one more to come...)

Worst Professor of the Year

Karon Speckman

Willow Mullins

(one more to come...)

Funniest Moment

Spring Break - Watching X-Effect With Joel

Norman Trip - Trying to fall asleep, Andrew Shih says: "I win."

UT-Knoxville's Spring Break - Frank Ford drunk dialing me at 2 am from the beach

Saddest Moment

Mizzou Losing the Big XII Championship

Memphis Losing the Basketball National Championship

Leaving Gulf Shores, Alabama for Spring Break

Best 'House to Shack At' of the Year

Zeta Tau Alpha's Parking Lot

1503 Rosemary Street

The Anthony House

Best Sporting Event Attended

Nebraska vs. Mizzou - Football

Mizzou vs. ------ (The Border War) - Football

Iowa State vs. Mizzou - Soccer

Best Sporting Event Watched

Super Bowl XLII

The Cotton Bowl - Mizzou vs. Arkansas

(one more to come...)

Best Sporting Event Played

The Legends vs. The Stallions - 4 on 4 Rec Football

The Legends vs. (I Don't Know) - Rec Softball Championship

The Legends vs. (I Don't Know) - 2nd Round 7 on 7 Football Playoffs

Best Pet

Bella

Anfernee

And of course I can't forget my friends from home:

Mr. Brentwood of the Year

Mitch Miller

Frankie Ford

Davis Naish

Mrs. Brentwood of the Year

Catherine McDonald

Brooke Webber

Brittany Racht

Superlatives:

BEST DRESSED

GUYS - Brandon Butcher, Stephen Malphrus, Landon Willett

GIRLS - Kelley Schwartz, Emily Lewis,

BEST LAUGH

GUYS - Patrick Elmore, Josh Chiero, Ben Schirmer

GIRLS - Amy Oberle, Molly Mulcahy, Bethany Jones

BEST COUPLE

Stephanie South and Logan McDonald

Amy Oberle and Ben Schirmer

Christine Conklin and Zach Osborne

NICEST

Guys - Andy Patton, Jarred Donalson, Chad Brinkmeyer

Girls - Brittany Weaver, Hannah Hardage, Kelley Schwartz

FUNNIEST

Guys - Zach Osborne, Chris Nester, Mark Toppen

Girls - Leann McLaughlin, Amy Oberle, Lauren Zima

MOST AWKWARD

Guys - Frank Ford, Jeff Venable, (one more to come...)

Girls - Emily Camp (more to come...)

PERSON I WISH I SAW MORE OF

Guys - Chase Smith, Chase Patton, Tony Temple

Girls - Erica Rentschler, Lindsay Mccoy,

CHECK BACK SOON TO SEE MORE CATEGORIES & NOMINATIONS!

The Definition of a Friend

2008-05-06T16:03:00.037-05:00

Merriam-Webster defines a 'friend' as:

1. (n.) one attached to another by affection or esteem

Ok, I think that is a little gay.

2. (n.) one that is not hostile.

Yeah sure... because hostile friends always suck.

But still none of those hit the spot. Ole Webbie has like ten other definitions but none of them were that good.

However, the 'A. Huff Student Dictionary' defines the word friend with two words:

1. (n.) JEFF WALDMAN

That's right. That really strong Jewish boy that we all know and love!

Seriously though.

It was his birthday two days ago and I got to thinking about my friendship with him. I have only known him from my second day of classes in college, however, if you ever saw us

together, you would think we grew up together. In two years of friendship, he went from being just that thuggish cocky lookin' guy from St. Louis who just happened to be a runningback sitting quietly on the other side of the meeting room to one of my best best best (note that's three bests.) friends.

Here are a few reasons why Jeff is such a good friend.

HE IS REAL - Jeff is one of my only friends who tells me how it is. He rarely sugar coats how he feels. I'm not going to lie, at times I hate it. I really do. But looking back, I really appreciate it. He will tell me straight up if he is going to do something or not do something. He confronts me when I need to be confronted. He keeps me in line - to be respectful, to be responsible, to be an overall better person. Although he is younger, I have learned a lot from him about being a respectable guy. I wish he was still here so I can continue to learn.
HE LOVES EVERYONE - Well, all of the people that he has in his life. Jeff is a faith first guy, then family, then friends. He has his priorities in line. Jeff sticks up for everyone in his life. If someone was being mean about Jeff's faith, family or friends, he would let you know about it. His loyalty is almost non-human. I have learned how important relationships are for life. And not just relationships with friends, but with family. I feel like I have grown closer to my family and my other friends because of him.
HIS ABILITY TO FORGIVE AND FORGET - This is something that not many people have. Including me. I wish I was better. Although, this characteristic trait is contagious. Trust me. Because I am not like this, but whenever I was with Jeff, I was always like that. Jeff and I would clash heads many many many many many (that's five many's for those who are counting.) times! We would get into bitter and heated arguments. Yelling would a lot of times be involved. However, every time, except once* (story below), but seriously, every time we would make up and act as though it never happened before we would leave. And it wasn't on purpose either. We would be right back to joking instantly. One time we got in a fight walking out the doors of the Missouri Athletics Training Complex. The fight was over and we were joking by the time we crossed the bridge over to the Stadium Parking Lot. That was the most mad that I have ever been at anyone that I made up with in that short of time. Now you try and tell me that that's not friendship!
HIS SENSE OF HUMOR - He has one of the best sense of humor's of anyone I have ever met. Every single time I talk to him or are even around him I crack up. Not just like haha. We are talking, ROFL, LMAO, LOLing! Like HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Three things I like about his sense of humor. 1. It is so childish. He does things and laughs at things that little kids would laugh at. And a lot of things I say only little kids laugh at, so I am funny to him. And usually, only him. 2. How we play off of each other. We could say one word and the other person could be on the same page as the other. In football people always would mention one name with the other like, "Where's Huff and Waldman?" or "Where's Waldman and Huff?" Just like that. But people liked us and liked us together because we were so funny together. We were like a team. Still are. But now it's only to ourselves in our phone conversations. Which is kind of embarrassing now that I am admitting this. But Jeff was always easy going. He was very tolerant with us cracking jokes about him, him being Jewish, etc. And in return it made it ok for him to make fun of us and we could just laugh it off. He has a great sense of humor. The third reason is listed below:
HIS LAUGH - His laugh is so deep and bellow. And it's so warming. Like if Santa Claus had a laugh, it would be this laugh. Straight from the belly. In fact, since I met Jeff, my laugh has transformed. Now I have an annoying laugh, but it's deep like his. Not saying his is annoying, because it's not by any means. Because his fits his body type. When ever you see a short kid with a bellow laugh, it's just weird.
HIS FAITH - I know what you are thinkin'.... Huff are you convertin'? And no I'm not. Jeff is Jewish and is filled with Faith and always looks to God. However, don't bring up Jesus around him... but you can talk to him about God. And he always kept me accountable with prayer. If I needed prayer he would pray for me. I'll never forget the mornings of gamedays when we would be sitting in the locker room. All the scholorship players would be going over their playbooks and preparing for the game while Jeff and I would be reading. He would read passages out of his Torah and I would read the same passages our of the New Testament out of my Bible. You can learn a lot from people, even if they are of a different religion.
HIS FAMILY - His family is amazing. Anyone who has met them knows. From his parents, Rita and Scott. To his siblings, Lynn, Jacob, and Lil' Jon Jon. To the friend who always comes over, Karl. His parents are great. The nicest people in the world. Well, I don't know anyone, but if there is anyone nicer than they probably work at Disney. (Which is why this family may be so nice. They recharge every summer for their two week vacation to Orlando and Walt Disney World each year. That makes them so nice for the other 50 weeks of the year.) But honestly, Mr. and Mrs. Waldman did an amazing job of raising Jeff. They are so nice always, but when they need to be they can put their foot down and you know they mean business. All of their kids are so great and are a joy to be around, and this is all credited to their parents. And how bout that mustache for Mr. Waldman? Man, he has turned into a living legend for that thing.He puts Tom Selleck to shame. Heck, he puts Dustin Hoffman's Captain Hook to shame! Gotta love the 'stache! --- His siblings... man, where to start? Lynn, what a joy to be around! I don't think I have ever seen her without a smile on her face. Jacob, gah, every time I'm around him I just laugh. He is like his brother in every way. I don't know if I know of anyone as young as him that makes me laugh as much. And Lil' Jonathan. Oh man. What a guy! A little bundle of joy. If you have never seen the videos that this brother trio has made, then you definitely need to! They are like the Three Amigos, the Three Musketeers, the Three Stooges, or the Three Little Pigs. (I kid, I kid!) --- And then there is Karl. Karl is awesome. An extension to the Waldman family. I love Karl! --- And one final note... how could we talk about the Waldman family without talking about their upstairs neighbor?!?! J.W. Granny! Gotta love her! Always so much fun and filled with so much life! What a lady! The Waldman family is special!

I could honestly write so much more about Jeff. (And no I'm not gay!) I just appreciate his friendship so much! Not that I appreciate his friendship anymore than the friendship I have with anyone else. I just got to thinking how much of a blessing he has been in my life the other day and thought I should share it.

Heck, he may never read this. I just wanted to write what I was thinking.

Sorry for the sappiness. I will go back to writing random funny stuff on my next post.

THAT ONE TIME...

* - One time after football practice Jeff and I got into an argument. Once again, it was a bitter argument. We fought and fought while we got ready to go home for the day. Everyone was thinking, this is weird, Huff and Waldman are really getting pissed at each other. Finally, Jeff got dressed and left. Not just the room, but he left. Like left, left. In his car and drove home. I was shocked. It was the first time we didn't make up or at least crack a joke before we left each other's presence. I was stunned. I couldn't believe it. But then I went right back to being frustrated with him. As I got to my car, I got a phone call. It was Jeff. I picked up. (I'm Red. He's Yellow.)

-"Hello?"

-"Hey."

-(Short Pause) "Man, I feel like we just broke up."

-LAUGHTER BY BOTH OF US.

There it was. From that moment on we were back to normal. The joke was cracked, we continued with our friendship. We apologized and moved on. But that was one of my favorite memories of my friendship with Jeff Waldman. It must be FATE FATE FATE!

The kind of friend Jeff is for me, that's what I want to be for all of my friends.

Also, Jeff can't grow hair on his left eyebrow.

Thanks for reading...

2008 Austin Huff's Friends Mock Draft

2008-04-27T18:13:00.020-05:00

With the NFL Draft this weekend, it got me wondering... What would my friends draft if they had the chance? This is all fun, so enjoy.

And also, the order was done at random. Think of it as the NBA Lottery Draft.

Details:

Pick Number - Name - What They Drafted - Reason For Drafting It

Zach Osborne - Billy Butler Jersey - Zach and I missed the free give away at the stadium two weeks ago, so I figured Zach would want to use his first pick with getting one.
Joel Schirmer - Pre-Order of Halo 4 - We all know it is going to come out, it's just a matter of time. And it's just a matter of time that Joel pre-orders it and stays up for 42 hours straight to play it.
Jeff Venable - (TRADED UP TO THIS PICK FROM MATT HUFF) - Jeff recieved this third overall pick from Matt Huff by trading back Matt's N64 that Jeff has had since middle school. He also has a couple of his games. Jeff then proceed to get a $5 Starbucks Card with his pick.
Shawn Oberle - Some More Money Placed On His EZ Charge Account - This actually benefits me more than anyone. For those late night trips to Hitt Street Market. "I just want a NesQuik and Sport Shake!"
Landon Willett - Hayden Panettiere - Yup, he just drafted her, the person. And with this pick, it makes me glad that I am his roommate!
Andy Patton - A Wig - He is sick and tired of the red head jokes!
Seth Worley - Some Fine Reading - He really wanted this book.
Brittany Racht - Black Coat - She had recently left hers in someone's room on a certain trip to Missouri she took a week earlier.
Frankie Ford - André Woodson - Everyone passed up on him on draft day, and that made Frank pissed! He wanted André to go first round.
Wes Hoecker - A Picture of Lawrence, Kansas Burning in 1863 - He either really loves Mizzou, or really hates Kansas... My guess is probably both.
Brian Coates - A Child - Now he has someone to say, "Hello Child," to and it not be as creepy.
Garrett Walker - Alabama Football Season Tickets - Hopefully he doesn't get mad at the following pick.
Logan McDonald - Auburn Football Season Tickets - Hopefully he doesn't get mad at the previous pick.
Jon Wiele - A Large Adam's Apple - Wait, a minute... He's already got one. (JON WIELE FORFEITS HIS PICK. ADVANCE TO PICK NUMBER TWELVE.)
Tyler Torti - May, June, July, August, etc. - He had a seven month lead but now finds himself down by one month. On his defense, he has been fairly generous lately. Oh, and this is MY April.
Nate Bohon - A New Door - I don't know what's wrong with it, it "was normal yesterday!"
Clay Smith - His Own Series for MTV, 'Clay and Big' - The first episode would feature guest stars, Kobe Bryant and Patrick Elmore.
Mitch Miller - Free 2008 UT Football Tickets - He was pretty irate over the decision to charge for season tickets. Now, he doesn't have to be.
Elliot Nester - Darren McFadden - He is basically the best running back in the draft. Elliot got a steal taking him this deep.
Spencer Cope - A Joke Book - God love him... he is going to get funny one of these days!
Evan Foster - Vinney Testaverde - Now that he is retired, I bet he has a lot of free time to kill. Why would he NOT want to hang out with his biggest fan 24/7?!
Chris Nester - A Trip To Aspen - I voted everyday, and ya'll should too! VOTE FOR HIM!
Ben Schirmer - A Kansas City Championship - This guy has taken a lot of crap for the lack of winning that has come out of Kansas City sports. I think he could die a happy fan with either a Royals' World Series or a Chiefs' Super Bowl title.
Pat Elmore - More Lyrics for Clay Smeezy and The King's New Song - Not only were we tired of hearing him say, "Go Smeezy, That's my Smeezy!", but he was tired of saying it over and over. Maybe on the next track he will get to use his talents and maybe have two lines?
Nikey Patel - Albert Pujols - No explanation necessary.
Mark Toppen - The New Leona Lewis CD - In the early second round he will trade up to pick up sweet dance moves. The two of those picks will make for an amazing tandem.
Julian Wiggins - Flight Simulator 2000 - The possibilities are ENDLESS!
Clint Alwahab - A Big TV - This poor freshman has the smallest TV ever made in his room. How is a guy supposed to enjoy MU-TV on that?!
Kyle Woods - A Breathalyzer Test - Just to be safe for the future.
Wade Webber - A Clone of Himself - By drafting a clone of himself, he can now send the clone on the two year mission while he stays in Brentwood.
Davis Naish - A Clone of Wade Webber - By drafting a clone of Wade, he can now send the clone on Wade's two year mission while Wade stays in Brentwood. Let's be honest, having one without the other is like having Jelly without Peanut Butter.
Austin Huff - A Laugh Track - This would help with everything that I say that isn't funny. Which is practically everything... (sigh.)

That concludes the first round of the first annual 'Austin Huff's Friends Mock Draft'.

Thanks for reading...

This Made Us Laugh...

2008-04-22T22:19:00.003-05:00

I just got a new crappy phone, and it still had the plastic on it.

Spencer Wayne Cope: "Peel that off."

Myself: "That's what the monkey said!"

We then proceeded to laugh for about ten minutes straight. I don't even know why.

It was in the middle of Veritas too, so we had to keep our laughter concealed.

Oh man. Good times with friends. That's what I love.

Thanks for reading...

Signs That The World Is Ending...

2008-04-18T18:38:00.009-05:00

Ok guys... Stuff has been getting a little crazy lately. Not just here in Columbia, Missouri, but EVERYWHERE!

With weird things happening, that only leads to one explanation:

JESUS IS COMING BACK and THE WORLD IS ENDING!

1. "IS IT HOT IN HERE? OR IS IT JUST EVERYONE?"

Global Warming. I don't know if I believe the hype of it or not, but everybody is talking about it! However, if everyone's right, then we may end up like this.

2. "HAPPY NEW YEAR? MORE LIKE SCARY NEW YEAR!"

You guys remember Y2K? You remember how nothing happened? Well... Do you ever think nothing happened because everyone knew something was going to happen? Y2K was a computer problem. And computers are SMART! They probably rescheduled for Y2K to happen in Y2K9! (if you catch my drift...) Once everyone forgets about it, that's when it strikes! So be prepared on January 1st, 2009!

3. "I SEE YOU, MOTHA' NATURE! SHAKE IT GIRL!"

Ok, this is what technically got me on this whole 'World Ending' thing. Well, this and the book of Revelations. But in Illinois last night there was an earthquake. The earthquake was strong enough to be felt in these locations: Here in Columbia, Chicago, Milwaukee, Nashville, Louisville, and I received a text message from my sister this morning telling me that she felt the earthquake in Lexington, Kentucky. Earthquakes aren't supposed to happen out here in the Midwest! Well, except for when Mark Mangino gets out of bed each morning! ZING!

4. "YOU GUYS CHECK THE ROCKIES GAME(S) LAST NIGHT?"

Baseball is our nation's past time. Always has been and always will be. Well... unless games like last night keep happening! The Rockies and Padres started playing in front of around 25 to 26 thousand fans last night. The game was scoreless at the end of nine innings. The game got to the 14th inning before either team scored. The Rockies were finally able to put up one run in the top half of the frame. However, the Padres answered right back in the bottom of the 14th and tied the game up. The game continued. Finally in the top of the 22nd (that's right, 22!), the Rockies took a 2-1 lead and eventually won by that same score. 22 innings! What the?! That's 2 1/3 games! Over 650 pitches were thrown. And only three runs... yawn. The game took over six hours to complete and by the end there were only a few hundred fans left. How does that happen?! The end of the world is the only explanation!

A few facts: The longest baseball game ever was 26 innings between Brooklyn and Boston in 1920. Over 42 players total played in the game last night. It was the longest game since 1993. It was the longest game in both franchise's history.

5. "TENNESSEE MEETS MISSOURI."

For the first time in my college life, my friends from home are coming up to visit me. Brittany Racht (not pronounced Rack) and Mitch Miller are making the 7 hour trek up to the wonderful city of Columbia, Missouri. Take notes, Jeff Venable.

Now that's friendship...Or another sign of the ending world?

6. "WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND MIGHT CAUSE THE WORLD TO END?"

Answer: This guy.

If I remember anymore then I will be sure to keep you all updated. Good luck and God Speed!

Thanks for reading...

Blowin' Chunks

2008-04-14T12:02:00.007-05:00

So there we were, sitting in some random room in Memorial Union South, getting ready to film another semi-funny Veritas video.

For this video we were going to continue on with the 'Brad and Chad' Siamese twins characters. In doing so, Zach Osborne and I both fit into the same ESPN Fleece Pull-Over.

So Zach and I slipped into the XL pull-over and waited for Andy Patton to take his precious time getting the camera set up. I think he just enjoys the pain, awkwardness, and unbearable closeness that we go through while fitting into the same fleece.

As time went on we eventually started filming...

We were crackin' jokes and playing off of each other like we normally do in these ad-libbed videos.

We get to about a third or a half of the way into filming and Zach subtly says: "I'm sick."

Thank goodness for Andy and his good hearing because he heard Zach say this and bolted straight for the door to grab a trash can.

Meanwhile, I haven't heard a thing, and I continue to just ramble on about absolutely nothing. As I continue to go on, Zach is hiding his head into the shirt. He has done this before in a previous 'Brad and Chad' video, so I just figured he was doing it again.

Just then Andy comes running back with a trash can yelling: "He's going to throw up!"

Let me just tell you this... I have NEVER gotten out of a shirt that I was in with another man so fast in ALL MY LIFE!

Andy got that trash can to Zach just in time. Because right when Zach got the trash can, he made it rain.

And I'm not talking about this kind of 'make it rain'...

...I'm talking about this kind of 'make it rain'.

I'm not sure what it looked like, but it sounded like this.

It sounded like a waterfall being poured out into that poor trash can.

Andy kept the camera rolling so we have at least my reaction to the whole ordeal on tape.

And on that note, we postponed filming for the day.

Thanks to Zach Osborne for trying to tough it through the sickness.

He's a trooper.

And I hope he feels better.

And thanks to Andy Patton.

For not only hearing Zach's subtle mentioning of being sick,

but for also, just being Andy Patton.

Thanks for reading...

Random Thoughts

2008-04-11T14:22:00.007-05:00

You guys ever wonder if Carmen Sandiego and Waldo are hiding together?

This is funny, and also backs my theory up.

...More to come later.

Thanks for reading...

I'm new here...

2008-04-11T13:24:00.001-05:00

Hi. My name is Austin. I'm new here. I'm a new kid, if you will. Just testin' the waters.

Thanks for reading...