These Deaths Are Killin' Me!

John Hughes died today.

Hughes was the director of pretty much every single popular teen movie that came out in the 80s. With his death, it makes like the 491st famous person death of the summer. No disrespect to anyone who has passed away this summer...

...but will famous people STOP dying, please?!

Listen, if you are famous, or a celebrity in anyway (not including YouTube stars), will you hold off on croaking for a while. Give us time to mourn and appreciate the most recent death.

Gah, I can't take this anymore!

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A Big Rod Conversation

I had this conversation with Big Rod (my dad) today through a text message, while I was working a shift at Dippin' Dots. (Yes, I work at Dippin' Dots. I'll give you this moment to laugh to yourself.)

Austin (Me):
1:08 PM Sun. July 12
"Didnt go pee before i came. Starting to regret that decision."

Big Rod:
1:10 PM Sun. July 12
"Pee in a smoothy cup - better make it an extra large"

This conversation concluded with me laughing out loud only to get stares from people walking by in the mall. Wow... Thanks Big Rod.

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Another Day At Dippin' Dots...

Here I am working at Dippin' Dots.

I wanted to share with you the most recent interaction I had with a customer.

There were two fourteen year old Miley Cyrus wannabes wearing no two articles of matching clothing and sunglasses indoors. The one girl asks for a small Rainbow Ice which is $3.50. She turns to her friend who had just hung up the phone to see if she wanted any Dippin' Dots.

"No. I'm not eating for the rest of my life."

Not a bad idea for her, but then she continued:

"I can't believe I didn't break up with him first!"

I know right?! Her friend pays. They hang around the front of the kiosk for a little bit.

"Gimme a bite! I wanna try it."

What happened to not eating for the rest of your life? Nevermind.

"Oooo, that's good! I'll take a Mint Chocolate!"

Ok, so now she is ordering her own?

"Can I get a discount? My boyfriend just broke up with me. I need a break up discount."

You have got to be kidding me.

I reply: "Oh sure. Our break up discount is $3.50 for a small."

She paid.

They left. (Not soon enough.)

Then they more than likely hit up their usual store visits. You know, Spencers, Hot Topic, Journeys, The Apple Store, Sbarro, and Abercrombie and Fitch just to lust over the male models' wall size pictures.

I love working here at Dippin' Dots, but when I get awkward customers like that, I would rather work at Yankee Candle Co. or even the Donut Hut.

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Love for the Handicapped

And this is why I hate parking lots. Thank you Mr. Goodbar, Mr. Chi City!

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Finally Someone Speaks Out!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but:

SNUGGIES = Backwards Robe

Finally, someone made a Snuggie infomercial parody. This video gets more and more funny the closer you get to the end. Very funny.

"Sarah's not getting a date to the prom... Look at her!"

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The Infamous Keyboard Cat

I felt the need to share these with everyone because I think they are absolutely hilarious! Basically these are videos in which something stupid happens. And my motto in life has always been, whenever something stupid happens, it always seems necessary to be played off by a keyboard playing cat.

Thanks to YouTube, my life motto is now becoming a reality.

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #1
I have always been a huge fan of people falling down stairs humor. A not-so-distant relative of people falling down stairs is handicaps falling down escalators... Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #2
Everyone loves soccer. And by everyone, I mean no one. But everyone loves guys dancing in speedos! Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #3
There is a time and a place for everything. This was not the time or place for this. (Of course, knowing my luck, this will probably be me someday.) But what the heck, play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #4
When Bill O'Reilly wants to do it live. You do it freakin' LIVE! Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat #5
There is only one thing in this world that I would rather watch then a man who can play Sweet Child O' Mine with fart noises from his hand, and that is a cat who can play the keyboard! Play him off, Keyboard Cat!

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Old School Commercials

Screw college. I want to be young again. Which means these commercials must come back on the air:

That's all I could throw on here before Memorial Union closed... I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me.

Thanks for reading...